Sex and relationships
When I was going through a bumpy period in my relationship, I met an old friend and started pouring my heart out. He listened patiently, nodded his head once in a while, and then explained in a metallic voice that being in a relationship is like a couple pulling a single thin hair from both ends between them. If one pulls and the other doesn’t give, the hair will tear, and the relationship is doomed. He then commented with a frowning face, “The tricky part is that if there is no pulling and no tension, the relationship is also doomed.” I thought to myself, wahoo, such wisdom demonstrated so clearly with a single hair. A few years later, my friend’s marriage broke down and evaporated into thin air. Theory is one thing; implementation is another.
Reacting with a known and rehearsed breathing procedure can make a difference during couple-conflicts. A ‘cooling’ breath can lower the flames of disputes.
If one side reacts with a relaxing breathing sequence, that’s fine; if both do, that’s awesome. Once mastering a relaxing breathing tool familiar to both, couples can agree that if one side asks for a ‘breathing break’ during a dispute, both sit and practice a pre-agreed relaxing breathing sequence for a pre-defined duration. After the break, chances are a resumed argument will be less tense.
The power of sex
In the following lines, I’ll mainly refer to heterosexual couples. Still, I can say with great pride that most practices described below have the same benefits for everyone, regardless of sexual orientation.
Much has been written on sex, not only written but also filmed. A couple’s poor sex life can be frustrating and trigger many problems. Unfulfilling sex life can even destroy an otherwise good relationship. Sex is a potent driving force. So powerful that respectable people risk their families, carrier, status, wealth, and health only to fulfill their sexual desires.
Sexual preferences are different from person to person, and the expectations of one are unlike the other. Therefore, I will be careful when penetrating this delicate subject. Still, in my opinion, as long as no one is hurt, all forms and formats of sex are ok.
Masturbation is a good option for exploring one’s sexuality. This self-fulfilling action may also assist in taming the wild horses, which pull our ‘sex wagon.’ A good portion of the techniques below may be implemented ‘single-handed.’ However, practicing during sexual arousal when we are on our own may come in handy when later being active with a partner in a bed, the official ‘battleground’ of sex.
Some enter the sexual arena to win and conquer; others look for a connecting experience. Some are focused on the physical side, while others concentrate on the emotional experience. Sex has a lot more than 50 shades.
When ecstatically engaged in sex, body hazard signals may be disabled and go unregistered. In extreme cases, we intentionally ignore inner alarms because of the ‘carrot’ hanging right in front.
Sexual activity is a form of physical exertion. Contrary to many other intensive physical activities, making love is usually not taxing on the body, and there is minimal wear and tear. In most cases, sex contributes to our well-being, and sexual desire is generally an indicator of good health.
Most of the time, people engage in sex as a recreational activity rather than for reproduction. Regrettably, it’s not always a smooth ride. One of the reasons for that is that our most important sexual organ doesn’t lie between our legs; it’s located between our ears.
Breathing and sex
Let’s keep it in mind: Breathing tools are no substitute for love, affection, and mutual respect.
Everything in the body has to do with breathing, including sperm count, fertility index, and those hopping hormones. In addition, breathing practices may serve as an aphrodisiac, a fantastic sex toy, or an intimacy enhancer. If used correctly, breathing can intensify and deepen sexual pleasure.
We have a lot to take care of when making love; still, evaluating how our partner is breathing and tuning into it may upgrade sexual performance.
Generally, reducing sensitivity to Carbon-diOxide in the bloodstream may improve control over sexual energies for both men and women.
The long and winding road to fulfilling sex is riddled with hurdles. Some are common to men and women, and others are more typical to one of the genders.
Here are some examples of hurdles:
- Negative feelings.
- Lack of attraction.
- The embarrassment associated with sex.
- Fear of failing.
- Worries about pregnancy.
- Anatomical mismatch.
- Insufficient lubrication.
- Pain during sexual intercourse.
- Hormonal imbalance.
- Limiting health conditions.
- Side-effects of medication.
- Insufficient Oxygen delivery to the sexual organs.
The phases of sexual engagement
A sexual act may include different phases; here they are:
Contrary to animals, human attraction is not all physical. Our personality, which is our mind, may create a strong sexual interest between two people.
‘Fertile females’ often have particular face symmetries and body proportions. These are perceived as attractive to men, and it happens unconsciously. This mind interpretation improves the chances of species preservation.
‘Protecting males,’ often have certain face symmetries, body proportions, and muscle distribution. These are perceived as attractive to women, and it happens unconsciously. This attraction improves the survival chances of the woman and her offspring.
Besides visual attraction, we are also attracted to specific body scents. This scent evaluation instinct is probably reminiscent of earlier stages of our evolution when we relayed more heavily on our sense of smell. Body odor may boost sexual rejection or attraction. Different aromatic compounds were used traditionally to mask natural body odors. Still today, the perfume & aftershave industry is assisting men and women in fooling one another with false smell signals.
A taste evaluation is also part of assessing a potential mate. When kissing, it’s possible to go beyond the review of breath and sense mouth taste. Bad breath or foul mouth taste may indicate a health problem, often triggering rejection.
With our ears, we can hear what a potential partner has to say and get indications of what sort of mind hides between a person’s ears. The personality and behavior of a potential partner are substantial reasons for attraction or rejection.
The way we breathe affects sexual attraction. Unconsciously, we pick up breathing signals from a potential partner, which reflect their emotional state and other health conditions.
No magical breathing will suddenly turn someone not particularly attractive into a human magnet. However, there are ways to breathe, which may contribute to initial attraction. For example, when walking into a room with two people, one breathing erratically and one breathing deep and slow, we are naturally drawn to the slow and deep breather. Furthermore, if the room is full of strangers, and one person occasionally smiles in good timing, chances are the smiling person will draw us. A smiling person makes other people feel relaxed, which is attractive. A breathing clock allows more coherent smile transitions. Still, it’s vital to remember exaggerated or unsynchronized smiling may create the exact opposite effect.
- Exclusive nose breathing.
- Slow and rhythmic.
- Use the diaphragm in maximum amplitude.
- Synchronize smiles similarly to the exercise
Foreplay prepares a couple for eventual intercourse. When body and mind are ready for an upcoming sexual contact, things will likely last longer, go smoother, and be more pleasurable.
A natural part of foreplay is kissing. On our tongue, there is a concentration of many nerve endings sensing both touch and taste. Pleasant kissing connects and also allows evaluation. Long kissing requires the ability to nose-breathe. Kissing while breathing through the mouth can give the impression one is about to make love with a vacuum cleaner.
Breathing is a connecting medium, and breath-synchronizing creates a bond. Reaching breathing minimums and maximums simultaneously, holding the breath together, and producing the same sounds are some options worth exploring.
Synchronizing requires feedback. Facing one another or light physical touch is an excellent way to tune in. For example, touching foreheads, covering with the palm the partner’s heart area, cuddling, or sitting back-to-back are fine options to get feedback.
Traditional breathing exercises may be used as ‘spices’ during the foreplay by performing them in tandem.
Foreplay often arouses, but in some cases, the exact opposite is the need. If one is far ahead of the other, a tactical delay may help match sexual energy. Another situation where suppressing lust can assist is when our sexual drive leads us to unwanted places. Thoughts manipulation is one option, but since sexual impulses are not easy to overcome, having additional tools may be helpful. For example, breathing similar to the exercises dying man’s breathing can help reduce sexual desire.
- Match breathing speed, ratio, and stops.
- Synchronize with a partner traditional breathing exercises.
- Exclusive nose breathing.
- Quick inhale to half diaphragm amplitude followed by a short exhale.
- Hold my breath for about 6 sec.
- Repeat for a few rounds.
Remarks and details
I hold my breath for about a fifth of my ‘air hunger start time’ which is 31 sec.
31÷5= about 6 sec.
I exaggerate my breathing and move my body backward when I inhale and forward when I exhale.
Also, while having sex, there are two opposite forces: relaxing and stimulating. Balancing both increases the chances of fulfillment. Furthermore, we need to balance our needs with our partner’s needs. We may contribute to balancing by adding relaxing or stimulating sounds to the exhale. While lovemaking, authentic sounds can release flooding emotions. In addition, we can use sounds to create rhythms and synchronize. For example, sighing, moaning, and groaning are vocal manifestations of regular lovemaking. These sounds may turn on a partner and are used to balance. Sounds made while having sex may be genuine or fake. They may also be in or out of sync.
While lovemaking imagining things can boost the experience. On the other hand, it’s natural we would like our partner to be present; another balancing need. During the act, we can visualize the inhaled air going down to the pelvis and energizing the sex organs. Another option is imagining that inhaling and exhaling are done directly from the gentiles.
If it feels right…
- Control excitement and relaxation by breathing ratio.
- Vocalize the breathing.
- Visualize breathing through the sex organ.
An orgasm is a possible outcome of sex. It’s a euphoric pleasure, described more vividly as a fantastic firework display on a high mountain.
What follows an orgasm of both women and men is some form of discharge. While men ejaculate a noticeable portion of sperm, most women’s release is more subtle.
After orgasm and discharge, there is a disparity between women and men. Most men become sexually disabled, temporarily losing interest in sex after they ejaculate. Once a woman experiences orgasm and a discharge, there is usually no loss of sexual appetite; sometimes, the contrary happens. Synchronizing and timing the outcomes of this disparity is tricky.
Some men have a problem ‘getting there prematurely’ while some women struggle to ‘get there at all.’ So, what often happens is that men try to avoid a discharge while women try to get one.
When getting close to an orgasm, there is usually a more drastic change in breathing. Breathing rate often increases, and breathing volume doesn’t always follow accordingly. Carbon-diOxide/Oxygen balance is affected.
Orgasms and what’s bundled with them come in varying forms. Some are more intensive and are felt all over the body; others are more local. They vary in duration and depth. Besides having to do with our sexual identity, orgasms unfold according to how we build them up and the degree of sexual tension.
Geologically speaking, some women expect a tectonic plate movement under their feet, or at least a level 7 Richter-scale earthquake to occur, when getting to an orgasm. On the other hand, most men are focused on a volcanic eruption. These seismic forces of nature are not fully understood, and so are orgasms.
A woman’s joyful pleasure peak is unique. Some women vocalize their orgasm loudly; others exhale a quiet AHHHH. Orgasms may manifest themselves as laughter or even crying. They may be genuine or counterfeited.
There are two main paths to a female’s climax, vaginal and clitoral. The paths may cross, and the road to some women’s elusive orgasm requires skipping between the two tracks. The track toward a vaginal orgasm tends to pass through Rest & Repair dominance, associated with slower breathing and prolonged exhalations. The path toward a clitoral orgasm passes mostly through Fight or Flight dominance, associated with faster breathing and extended inhales.
Nose inhaling allows the intake of Nitric-Oxide, which contributes to relaxation and may assist some women in getting closer to an orgasm.
Embedding conducive breathing sequences by practicing out of the bedroom may improve success chances. For example, instead of focusing thoughts on a slippery orgasm that’s difficult to catch, shifting concentration towards breathing may help get to the climax.
Inducing an orgasm close to the climax tool
- Exclusive nose breathing during the buildup.
- Concentrate on breathing rather than on the orgasm.
- Only when feeling very close to the climax, switching to mouth breathing.
In various Eastern teachings, male orgasm and ejaculation are two different experiences. If one is quick enough, it’s possible to snatch an orgasm before the ejaculation occurs. The challenge is to hit the ‘off switch’ on time and retain sexual fluids and energy typically lost following an ejaculation. That requires mental and physical control, which is difficult to achieve when sexual energies distract.
There is the old trick for avoiding ejaculation close to the climax, by thought diversion and a retreat. For example, men would think about their house ‘going up in flames,’ but instead of retreating and saving it, they would say to themselves, ‘What the hell, let it burn.’
Regaining sexual control at the right moment requires practice, experience, and knowledge of tendencies. However, postponing immediate gratification may bring significant sexual rewards.
By hyperventilating, in combined volume and speed, we can quickly expel Carbon-diOxide from the bloodstream. By that, we reduce Oxygen supply to the gentiles needed for ejaculating.
Using the mouth when hyperventilating may cause a further delay, particularly for those who predominantly use their nose for regular breathing. On top of that, a reduction of nasal Nitric-Oxide, causes blood vessels to constrict, further reducing Oxygen supply to the gentiles.
Following a few rounds of getting very close to an orgasm, hyperventilating, and sexual containment, the penis often becomes less sensitive, which allows longer sex.
Delaying ejaculation close to the climax tool
- Switch to exclusive mouth breathing.
- Intensively hyperventilate by volume combined with
A relaxing breathing sequence is a great way to ‘glide down’ and preserve feelings of bliss. Breathing a sigh of ‘like and subscribe’ or a ‘to be continued’ smile are appreciated gestures by both men and women.
And it’s good to remember that when love is in the air, the air we breathe after sex is lovely.